I wrote that Hardcore Techno helped me dealing with my anxiety problems as a teenager. But it also worked the other way round. As I said, tracks like Extreme Terror or Cunt Face evoked similar feelings in me as my anxiety attacks. So when producing music myself I tried to put similar emotions in it. Because I knew very well how it feels to have extreme fright and to fear for one's life, to be scared to death. This artistic expression helped me cope with my problems even better. But I also felt it gave me an "edge" over other productions. I built a whole "Hardcore Career" on top of my mental health problems.
To this day, I have the opinion that you can hear in speedcore and terror productions whether there is a real troubled individual at work or the "Hardcore" is just gimmicky, but maybe I am wrong with that.
When playing these tracks live, and seeing the dancefloor going mad to them, I always had a feeling of communication and the impression I'm not the only one with "these" feelings, and I'm thankful for this knowledge.
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